Make decisions from desire instead of fear.

Hey friend,

As I sit here writing this email, I can’t help but think about how I “should” be writing it. I know that there’s a framework to follow and certain points to hit in order to make sure that it “converts”. But it makes me physically uncomfortable when I try to do it that way, and every part of me resists.

The decision to even pay attention to marketing tactics that don’t feel good to me is an example of me making a decision from a place of fear. Fear that at its core says, “you aren’t good enough, you have to follow someone else’s rules.” This fear used to paralyse me. I would stay stuck in inaction, consumed with my worries. “What if people read my email and think I’m an idiot?” “What if everyone is laughing at me behind my back?” “What if I’m awful at my job and everyone can see it but me?” “What if I made a mistake not applying for a corporate job that would slowly destroy my soul but would at least give me a steady paycheck?”

These days though, that fear doesn’t have as much power as it once did. Those beliefs have been replace by stronger ones — ones rooted in desire, in the things I want, in the things that are true. Beliefs like “It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, I can trust myself”, “I don’t have to do things the Right way in order to be successful”, and “It’s safe for me to make mistakes”.

So when I fall into the trap of wanting to write this email the way marketing experts say I should be, I can catch myself and see “ooh, I’m deciding to do that because I’m afraid.” And then I can pause, pivot and go back to making decisions that come from a place of desire.

When you’re making decisions based on what you’re afraid of you aren’t moving towards the thing you want. You know that you want things to be different, that you want to do things differently, but you can’t see how that’s possible. The more you try to avoid though, the more frozen you get.

You want to have a conversation with your partner about some things that have been bugging you. But you also are worried about how they’ll react (or that they won’t react at all.) Fear says don’t have the conversation and so nothing changes and you stay stuck in the same patterns.

Fear-based decisions show up as people-pleasing, perfectionism, overthinking, not being able to say no. When you just try to address those behaviours you end up finding yourself repeatedly in the same situation, and then frustrated because the outcome is always the same. The truth is, the fear has roots and it keeps you trapped in beliefs that are keeping you safe but not happy.

When we start addressing those beliefs, then changes can be made. You start making desire-based decisions which then move towards the life you actually want. It doesn’t matter anymore what anyone else does or thinks, you’re able to take actions that move you forward and bring you closer to a life filled with pleasure and joy.

This is part of the work we do in 1:1 coaching. We’ll work together to get to the roots of your behaviour and figure out where and why you are acting from a place of fear and how to instead act from a place of desire. We’ll work through the stickiness and the resistance. We’ll create systems and structures that support you because they were built with you at the heart of them. With the unconditional support of a coaching container we’ll teach your brain that it’s safe to be imperfect, it’s safe to be scared, it’s safe to be unsure, and above all it’s safe to keep moving forward even with all of that present.